I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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