I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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