Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
