In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
