i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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