I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
