I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
