Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
