Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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