My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
