Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
