Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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