Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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