You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Someone came in the potted fern
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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