dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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