I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
