You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need water and some morals
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
