there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
