You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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