he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
