im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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