please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize