i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
