Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
