he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
