STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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