She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
