I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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