why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
