i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
