If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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