Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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