Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
