i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
