there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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