I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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