Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
