The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
