She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
