people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
