I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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