The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
