let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
