fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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