Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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