there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
