"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
