I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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