evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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