I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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