I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
