if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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