He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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