you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
