there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
