Where did you get a picture of my penis
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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