did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
