I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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