It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
