Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And then he peed in my hair
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