Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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