I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
