All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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