Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
