so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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