I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
