Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
