If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
