I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have tasted many bathrooms
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
