mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you had me at cake vodka
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
