SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
