yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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