Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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