the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
