I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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