i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
