okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
