Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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