some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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