Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
