honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
