Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
