You just made me feel so damn special
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
