We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let's get the cat blown out
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
