I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
