He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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