This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
